i find myself in this silent hour as dez now sleeps soundly with a full tummy.  i’m left here wide awake with my mind going a thousand miles per hour as the snow strangely flickers about in the crisp Keller air.

here is where I find purpose.  leaving all the worries of the things that I must do for tomorrow and enjoying the little subtleties of the now.  my life has been busy as this blog has laid here untouched.  i felt guilt.

the snow reminds me of just how precious the now is.  snow in texas will surely melt and be a distant memory.  the snow awakens my purpose.  and melts away the useless feelings of guilt that plagues me.

it’s ok that i have been consumed with the sweet new little grins, coos, hums, and cries of this little one.

its ok that i have been wrapped up in my children and spending time fostering the new bonds that are shared between them.  my 3 beautiful children.

tonight we all guiltlessly lounged snuggly on the sofa watching american idol as i twirled lana’s hair.  i got lost in her perfection and somehow forget about the toy that i tripped over to get to my spot of the sofa.  I forgot about the mound of papers that is waiting to be accounted for, for taxes. i let go of the worries of the bills that must be paid. and i forgot about that nagging to-do list. as i embraced the now with complete surrender.  i studied her laugh.  it is loud and fluent.

i realized how she has eagerly matured and taken on her important roll as big sister flawlessly.  she tenderly studied her little brother with utter love and attentiveness.  and nate studied them… and i caught Andre studying us as i studied them.  we all sat on our family sofa and love abounded us.

i guiltlessly love the snow!

Introducing…

Sweet as can be he’s now 3 weeks old.  He’s rounding our family off beautifully and has Nate and Lana, ahem… well all of us wrapped around his precious little finger.

As for me, I’m on maternity leave through the New Year.  I’m available for phone calls and emails so feel free to contact me.  I’ll respond as quickly as possible… I’ve quickly realized that I’m not in control of my schedule right now.  Dez is!

I’m actually on maternity leave.  I’m sorry for not blogging sooner… but I’ve been enjoying my my time by recovering, spending time with our newly shaped family and getting to know my precious baby boy.

On November 20th my husband and I welcomed our third child Dezmond Dominik into our family…. literally.  Andre and I delivered him at our house.  Yes, we had a semi-unassisted home-birth.  I say “semi” home-birth, because thankfully our wonderful birthing team (Mid-wife Christy Martin, her assistant Abby, and our Doula / Hypnoduola Kathy O’brien) arrived just minutes after Dez was born (they were caught in Friday night rush hour traffic).  Immediately upon arrival they took incredible care of Dez and I and we couldn’t have done it without them.

Having Dez naturally at home was such an amazing experience that has bonded us all together in such a loving and intense way.  Being at home for his birth was so soothing, comfortable, and most of all it was just right for us.  At birth Dez weighed 9.6lbs and was 20.5in long.  My biggest baby yet.

Proud Dada Andre taking in all of Dez’s sweetness.

Me, proud and shocked Mama, taking in the moment, shaking a bit, and high from the experience.

Nate and Lana… simply in AWE of their baby brother.

Andre and I had planned for a home-birth, not so much the unassisted part, but when it happened, we worked together perfectly and encouraged each other throughout the two pushes… then Dez was there and in my arms.  I always say that Andre is great, but really you must know after this he truly is AMAZING.  I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful partner and best-friend to experience life with.

Photo taken by Kathy O’brien.

We’ve had something come up with our little one, Lana, that has taken me away from FickleZeal for a bit… well I hope it’s just for a bit.  Please if you pray, pray for Lana, if you think, keep your thoughts on her, if you meditate, please meditate on Lana’s good health.  Please all of you keep her in your thoughts and/or prayers.  At this time, I don’t  wish to share details as my emotions are ALL whacked out.  I hope by this time tomorrow I will be able to say false alarm, but if not then our faith will remain in tacked while we get our battle gear on and face what we are intended to face.

If you are client of ours and are waiting on anything from us, I beg your forgiveness and will get to it all once I get my feet on the ground again, hopefully Wednesday!!!  If you need something urgently feel free to send an email to me at jenna at ficklezeal.com titled urgent.

A post without a photo would be a shame, so here’s a share of our precious baby girl Lana.

seriously I thought my kids were going to wig out when I told them what was for lunch.  Not that it was the first time that I’ve made it, but it’s been  A LONG time.

Grilled peanut butter and banana sandwiches with their initials carved in them.

After having ALL day sickness for several months, it’s so refreshing to be able to breath without wanting to throw-up.  Especially when it comes to cooking.  I usually enjoy making yummy dishes for my family to enjoy and to be nourished by, so these past three in a half months have been torture for me, and I’m sure Andre.  The kids on the other hand have enjoyed the extra pick what you want nights, our tradition for Friday “family movie nights”.

After working a full day behind the computer I couldn’t wait to get in the kitchen and create something that I had been  thinking about all day.  Something that took a little part of each of our favorite family meals.  This meal represents our heritage combined.  Andre’s Peruvian and Caucasian roots and my Puerto Rican and Cuban roots.

Our new Heritage Meal “Frijoles y Mas”

Now, the nausea that hits occasionally ain’t got nothin’ on me.  Thank God for FEELING GREAT!

It was another HOT Texas day, Nate and I were enjoying a little time together.  We went to check the mail when I noticed the neighbors sprinkler start.  I encouraged Nate to ride his bike and ran inside to call for Lana and to grab my camera of course.  They didn’t know what I was up to, but once they were ready I told them to run/ride through the sprinker.  Nate was delightfully perplexed, but it didn’t take him long to see the potential.  We had a great time recycling my neighbors water that would have otherwise been wasted on the sidewalk.

We decided to begin our summer with a fun family stay-cation.  We stayed near our home and together for 9 days.  Enjoying the adventure and laziness that the summer brings.  We had intended to go-go-go, but after an awesome day at the lake a wonderful lake water induced stomach bug defined the rest of our stay-cation to throwing up tents in our living room instead of on the camp grounds.  I think we all appreciated 74º instead of the dreadful 105º that it was outside.  We ended up thanking the stomach bug that defined our cozy time together.

We’ve been keeping a little secret, because I was feeling really under the weather and a LOT hormonal, but now that I’m feeling GREAT, I’m ready to reveal a recent photo of me that Andre captured which made me realize that I can’t keep it to myself anymore.